A Review: Southwest Airline Flight Safety Briefing

April 7, 2024 Southwest flight 3737 LA to Austin

To cut to the chase, if you are thinking of getting a ticket to see this show, save your money.

Perhaps it was the fact it was a full flight, but the mid-plane flight attendant, Rachel, really mailed this one in. The performance was devoid of any enthusiasm, manufactured or otherwise, and felt more like a matter-of-fact rote recitation of the safety briefing. As a matter of fact, I was so taken aback by the lack of emotion I checked my program to see if it was an understudy; it was not.

Rachel was unenthused when demonstrating the seatbelt, the oxygen mask and, most notably the life vest — barely pantomiming pulling the inflation cord or blowing into the inflation tube, which is usually a “gimme.” Compounding the poor showing, Rachel barely moved her arms when indicating the location of the emergency exit doors — another lost opportunity for a redemptive crowd pleaser.

To be clear I have an appreciation for stark minimalist performances, and sorely miss the days when I could enjoy a completely affectless performance such as those on Interflug, the former East German airline. Yes, the fall of the Soviet Union and associated Berlin wall may have been a net positive for the world, but it certainly rang the death knell for the austere flight safety performance. Though I worry about the state of world affairs as more and more countries lean towards authoritarian governments, I am heartened to think that someone like Viktor Oban might stimulate a return to a post-modern nihilist briefing on the Hungarian state air carrier, Malév.

But, I digress…

However disappointed I may be with the merely performative nature of today’s safety briefing, I would like to give the crew the benefit of the doubt and perhaps chalk it up to being a turnaround flight of back to back full capacity planeloads. That doesn’t make it better, it may simply explain it.

One check in the “pro” column is the plane being a Boeing 737 Max8. With it’s problems with the thrust control systems and door panels that blow off mid-flight, perhaps Rachel can redeem herself with water ballet in the event of a water landing.

All in all, I recommend eschewing this traveling company and seeing the original Broadway cast while you still can.

But At What Price?

Real estate agents spend a lot of time thinking about pricing properties. In any office, “Do you have a second?” is usually followed up with a pricing opinion question. Agents discuss, debate and defend the merits of pricing based on their favorite methods, be it average sold price per square foot, sales price to list price ratio, or days on market compared to… “Hey, did you catch ‘The Americans’ last night?”

All of that said, where one prices a property is a function of two things: market forces and ego.

Let me explain.

A Rose By Any Other Name… Might Be Called Scentūr

Coach, the holding company that ownsCoach leather and several other brands, is changing its name to Tapestry to better represent that they are a multi-faceted fashion house “… not limited to any category, channel or geography,” which was, of course, my exact thought when I heard the new name.

Actually, I thought of the 1971 Carole King album. Apparently, I’m not the only one. When asked for “the first association you have of a company named Tapestry,” the morning crowd at my local Coffee Bean was evenly split between the Carole King album and, as one person put it, “moldy moth-ridden faded banners hanging in dank castles.” To be fair, one person did say, “A classic luxury fashion house incorporating a swath of different brands,” but to be even fairer he copped to reading an article about the change earlier that morning… and then said, “Carole King.”

Some More Things That Made 2016 Weird

Flight 2016 is beginning its final descent and as the flight attendants ready the cabin and do their “cross check” I figured it was a good time not inly to stow my bag under the seat in front of me, but to review this trip.

And truthfully, though I had every intention of writing how different segments of the market reacted throughout the year to the “in-flight entertainment” I found one article that made me laugh, smile, and shake my head in bewilderment — so I’ve decided to share that here. I hope you enjoy this article from Realtor.com:

Ho, Ho, Huh?! The 7 Most Bizarre Real Estate Stories of 2016

(Makes a holiday fruit cake not seem so bad, right?)

A Saferoom By Any Other Name

Kim Kardashian’s recent robbery in Paris at gunpoint (in which she was relieved of $9 million of jewelry) brought to mind an article in The Hollywood Reporter about safe rooms being the newest trend in luxury real estate. Knowing that no harm came to Ms. Kardashian, I found this a bit amusing as: a) I personally never travel with more than $5 million in jewelry ($9 million is just ostentatious), and b) the “Safe” or “Panic” room is the latest name for a feature that’s been around for at least one century (if not many more).

The Mystery of the Vanishing (Good) Restaurants

I’m not 100% behind the plastic bag ban (see why in this Wired.com article), but I do have to admit not having to choose between “paper or plastic” has freed up enough brain cells so I can tackle the important question of “Where should I eat?”

This is a question (more of a conundrum) that I deal with a few times a week as I try to schedule meals with friends, clients and colleagues. On the days I work out of my Brentwood office, dinner I prefer to stay west of the 405 (this is a function of traffic and not an indictment of areas further east), but this has become a harder and harder task as many of my usual haunts have gone out of business.

And Yet Another $200 Million Listing…

As you’ve probably heard, Petra Stunt has put her mansion on the market for $195 million.

There are a few things that caught my attention about this listing, and not one of them was the price ― and this lack of surprise is the main thing that caught my attention.

First off, this is just one of the several mega-million dollar listings that have come on the market of late. And where a few years ago a price tag like this would have made heads spin like Linda Blair’s in the “The Exorcist,” among my clients and colleagues this listing is eliciting yawns. Sure, we’ve spoken about it, but usually just in passing:

Rolling Along In My Own Lane

What’s all this stuff I keep reading about bowling alleys?

I’m talking about all the bowling alleys I see included as amenities in a bunch of high-end listings of late. For example, Petra Stunt’s $195 million dollar estate has a bowling alley. (It also has a beauty salon, a gym, a wine tasting room, and massage and tanning rooms. My question is: are all of these rooms  within walking distance to each other, or does one  drive to them in the Formula One cars I like to imagine the racing heiress keeps on hand?)

Many other high-end listings, as well as historic buildings, list bowling alleys as amenities. This begs the question: Who the heck is doing all of this bowling?

A Santa Monica Hotel And How LA Handles (Or Doesn’t Handle) Change

An article in the NY Times about the vociferous opposition to Disney’s rejiggering of a theme park ride got me thinking about mental health — mainly, my own.

Los Angeles is a town of contradictions: The same people who insist on eating only natural organic foods also happily inject non-organic silicone into their laughs lines (to the point that they look quite unnatural). This behavior largely goes without comment, which is really not surprising when you consider that as “the city of dreams,” people come to LA to become someone else: Cary Grant arrived in town as Archibald Leach; Michale Caine was Maurice Micklewhite; and Angelyne was… Well, let’s just move on.

Death and Taxes (well, at least death)

Though the original title of this piece was “Real Estate Trumps Taxes,” I want to make it very clear that this is an article about real estate investing.

True, it is inspired by reporting that Donald Trump may not have paid taxes for the past eighteen years due to close to a billion dollars of real estate losses. That said, this is about how even small investors can avoid or minimize taxes and is not meant in any way as a political piece to suggest that Trump may be slightly disingenuous when it comes to his comments on people who don’t pay any taxes…

No, this is an article specifically about the way real estate is treated by tax regulations which allow well advised investors to put money in the bank by offsetting gains with losses (some of which only exist on paper). And I want to share with you some real estate investment secrets that don’t require you to attend Krull University.